Raison D'être
by China Dolly
Summary: Neji Hyuuga, death by whining." I think that will be the text on my head-stone after all of this is said and done. Shounan ai, bit of OOC


**Chapters:** 1/1  
**Warnings: **Shounen ai and cursing. Perhaps a bit OOC.  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or any of it's characters.  
**Author's note: **I worked really hard on this fic! I did so much research about Neji and Shikamaru so I hope they don't seem too much OOC.  
Neji will probably seem OOC, but I can explain that. In my opinion, no one really knows what Neji thinks, only his actions. So he may seem OOC because of what he thinks. I do hope his actions and those of the others won't be too much OOC. But most of all, I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
_Side note: _I know Ichiraku doesn't look the way I described it, but I took the liberty to make it fit for the story…

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**Raison D'être**

I find it peculiar that someone who is as smart as Shikamaru Nara is also as lazy as Shikamaru Nara. If I had been as smart as Shikamaru I would've followed my dream a long time ago. Because, against popular belief, I do have a dream. There is something, well actually two things, I want to achieve.

Changing the Hyuuga clan is still a thing that is high on my "to-do" list. But the other thing is entirely different. It has to do with Shikamaru Nara and you will understand it later on.

But instead of having any ambitions at all, like me, Shikamaru watches the clouds. Watching clouds as a hobby, how boring could he be?

Okay, I admit that I am exaggerating a bit. Watching clouds is, sometimes, a good thing to do while waiting for time to pass. But certainly not longer than an hour! I can't understand how Shikamaru endures that. But then again, I am really not in the position to worry about that.

I mean, it's not as if we are what you would call close friends. We can stand to be around each other, though in silence most of the time, and don't fight constantly, like Naruto and Sasuke.

So, when you put everything together one would wonder: "why does he talk about the guy at all? They don't seem to have any connection whatsoever." Well you're wrong then. Because, though I seriously doubt that it is mutual, I do find we have a connection. Well, I have a connection towards him that is.

A very annoying connection that I hope my team-mates haven't found out yet. In my opinion, they are better off not knowing, for my own well-being. I don't like to be taunted and certainly not about a thing such as a crush.

Yes, you read that right, a crush. Because I think that Shikamaru in all his laziness is pretty good-looking. My eyes always find their way to him it seems. But you will understand that when I say that it is a one-sided feeling I am serious. You don't understand? Let me explain.

Generally I'm seen as a bastard with a stick-up-his-ass. One that rivals the one Uchiha has, so I've been told once. And I can tell you, that really isn't a compliment.

I am dubbed as arrogant and my only true friends might be, because even that I can't be sure of, Rock-Lee and Naruto. I am not very sociable and if Shikamaru doesn't even see me as a good friend, he certainly won't return my feelings of liking either.

But that is how my life has always been. I am used to not getting what I want so I am perfectly fine with it. As long as nobody knows I can live with my little secret.

* * *

'… princess ?'

'Huh.' I look up as someone, apparently I was deeper in thought then I had intended to, speaks to me. I am met with the scowling face of Sasuke. Not a pretty sight. I don't understand why he is so popular, really I don't. He always has that scowl on his face. 'What?' I ask a bit irritated. But that's directed at me, not at him. I can't belief I didn't notice that he was talking to me up until now. How stupid.

But Sasuke just looks at me and refuses to answer. I sigh, seriously why isn't he telling me? It can't be that bad, right? I mean, he said it the first time so why not repeat it?

I turn to look at Naruto, who is sitting at the other end of the table. I look at him, expecting him to tell me. But at my look he just coughs while an uncomfortable look appears on his face. I raise an eyebrow at that. What on Earth did Sasuke say that can make Naruto act like that?

All right, if Naruto isn't going to answer me I'll just ask someone else. My eye, unintentionally I swear, falls on Shikamaru. I look at him and if someone later tells me that my eyes looked pleading then I'll take their word for it. Shikamaru just shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his chair a bit. 'He said and I quote: "Do you find me that interesting, princess?" I don't understand what the fuss is about. It's such a minor thing.' He sighs. I am calm at first. Yes, I had been staring at him. Only because I was in thought, but never mind that. It's a minor thing. The thing that gets me disturbed about the entire conversation though was the name Sasuke had called me. I turn to Sasuke with a glare. 'What is it, Princess?' He smirks. Asshole. But I keep my mouth shut. I refuse to react to this kind of nonsense. I am better than that. Sasuke is scowling now and I can feel the eyes of almost everyone at the table directed at me.

With a little huff I cross my arms and keep my look fixated on Sasuke. Seriously, I am better than that. I keep telling myself. But then Naruto snickers softly, saying: 'Well, he does look kind of girly.'

Of course Kiba reacts on that. He always does that and it's very annoying. It's like hearing an echo. 'And with that attitude of his...' Kiba trails of softly as he sees my look. I then decide I have had it. Perhaps that means I am not better than that, but I don't care. 'I've had it! I'm sitting right here and you are gossiping about me like Ino and Sakura do about the entire village! I didn't come here to get insulted.' I huff as I look at them.

'Calm it down Cinderella.' Kiba says with a smirk. I've lost it, I'm sure. But I have totally had it with this guy and his attitude towards me. Without thinking about the consequences I grab Kiba's collar and hit him in the face. He lets out a growl as I let him go. But I just glare at him and he keeps quiet. 'How's that for a sissy?' I ask, my voice a bit more lethal than I intended it to be. But I don't care. I just turn around and storm away. Screw them.

* * *

I sit on a grassy hill outside the village, glowering, as I idly play with some blade of grass. I feel like such a child. Perhaps I shouldn't have rushed out like that. Perhaps I shouldn't have knocked the hell out of Kiba before storming out either. 'Ugh, I'm such a loser.'

I pull out a big chunk of grass and throw it away, the blades twirling as they fall down to the ground. I sigh and lean back against the tree that's behind me. I'm such a fool sometimes. Really, the moments are rare that I let my emotions take over but it's never a good thing when they do. I always make a mess out of things. And even though I regret the way I acted towards my friends, if I could call them that, I really hope Kiba will have a big bruise tomorrow.

I stop my actions and hold still as I feel someone approaching me. I almost activate my Byakugan when I recognise the chakra signature. Of course, I don't recognize the chakra of every single person in the village, but Shikamaru is a bit different. You will understand it is for before called reasons.

And suddenly he is standing besides me. He spares me a glance before he looks towards the clouds for a moment. I wonder what he is doing here.

'Do you mind if I join you?' He asks and I look at him a bit surprised. I wonder why he wants to sit with me. He's never done that before so what's changed his mind? I hope it was not me knocking Kiba out. That, even though Kiba deserved it, is not something I am very proud of.

Most people would wonder what is wrong with me anyway. Here I sit, all alone, and my crush is asking if he can sit with me and I'm not jumping to the chance to get some alone time with him. Well, you see, this is not your normal situation. Not even half an hour ago I made a complete fool out of myself. I want him to sit down, but I don't want to die of embarrassment. That is, if he starts talking about the incident anyway. If he doesn't, I will say "no" for nothing and I will loose some time I may have with him.

'You know, I can just leave.' He suddenly says and I look at him. 'You can stay.' I say and look away from him for a moment. I seriously don't want to see the look on his face. 'I won't make fun of you because you hit Kiba.' Shikamaru says and I sigh. I don't want to talk about it. I totally lost my calm and don't want to be reminded of it. But Shikamaru just smirks and with a shrug says: 'He had it coming at him.'

Yes he did, I agree silently. Calling me a Princess, what was he thinking? Suddenly I hear Shikamaru laugh. He looks at me, a bit taunting, and says: 'Don't pout. It makes you look like a girl.' He laughs again as I glare at him. 'I'm not a girl.' I huff. 'No, you made that very clear.' He says, followed by a snort, as he sits down next to me. At the moment I really want to sink into the ground. I am so embarrassed now.

'But that blush doesn't look all that bad on you.' Shikamaru says. I quickly lift my head to look at him with widened eyes. He didn't just say that! I must be imagining things, I'm sure of it. The stranger pretending to be Shikamaru smirks as he takes in my appearance. 'Hyuuga.'

'Yes?'

'Your mouth is catching flies.' And immediately everything is back to normal. I realize Shikamaru isn't being copied and taken control over just to embarrass me. And I think he realized he said something he thinks he really shouldn't have.

What he probably doesn't realize is that I am quite happy he said it. It means that I stand a chance. A small one perhaps, but a chance none the less. I sit there, silently enjoying the moment as Shikamaru suddenly speaks. I turn to him but he's still watching the clouds. 'Hey, you play Shogi, right?'

The question takes me by surprise. Yes, I play Shogi, but I have for a long time. So why is he asking me about that now? A voice in the back of my head tells me I should stop being so suspicious and just accept someone wants to befriend me. So I just dumbly nod and Shikamaru cocks his head to the side, a small grin playing on his lips. 'That's good to know.'

'And why, may I ask, do you suddenly have an interest in that?' I ask. He looks at me, amusement in his eyes. But he is still leaning against the tree, not really doing anything, as he answers on a lazy tone: 'We could play sometime.'

'What about Asuma-sensei, don't you play with him?'

'I always win.'

'And Naruto? I thought you were going to teach him how to play.'

'I quit. He's too troublesome. He just doesn't get it.'

'Ah,' I mutter. I really am out of things to say or ask. 'Just accept I want to play a game with you.' Shikamaru suddenly says. I turn to him and he looks a bit offended. Immediately I feel guilty. I know, I know, that's not a thing I usually do, or so people think. On the contrary I can feel quite guilty when I've done some stupid thing again. Like the fight at the Chuunin exams. The one where I fought Hinata. I've never felt guiltier in my entire life. But I just don't show it.

'I'm sorry.' I mutter at Shikamaru. 'It's all right. I guessed you would be suspicious.' He says and with that we fall back in a comfortable silence.

* * *

'It is not funny.'

'Oh, yes it is.'

'Tche, troublesome.' Shikamaru crosses his arms and I snicker. It is such an unusual thing to see Shikamaru of all people, pouting. Besides that I have decided that, when soaked, Shikamaru looks really hot.

Before this situation developed it was a relatively normal, dull day. Since the "Neji-Hit-Kiba-Incident" I have been hanging out with Shikamaru a lot. On days with good weather we, mostly Shikamaru, watch the clouds. I preferably watch Shikamaru.

On bad days we play Shogi at my apartment. I am nineteen now and moved out of the Hyuga compound a year ago. The freedom I experienced when living alone is something I can't explain in words. It was as if a whole new world had opened up for me.

Today was a bad day and in Shikamaru's case, a very bad day. Not only have I finally beaten him at Shogi, Naruto also decided he would join us for the time being. Shikamaru found out the hard way what I already knew. Naruto is quite the disturbing factor when you are doing something he finds boring. And may it be that, not surprisingly at all, shogi doesn't quite catch Naruto's interests.

After half an hour of trying to get some sort of reaction out of me, and failing miserably, Naruto decided to try his luck with Shikamaru. I was very grateful of that, Shikamaru not as much. I personally think Shikamaru just lost on purpose just to get rid of Naruto. This means he must have been very annoyed because Shikamaru normally doesn't lose.

Things got worse when Naruto decided he was thirsty. Of course Naruto is capable, just like any other person, to get himself a glass of water from the kitchen. Or so I had thought my entire life. I also believed, up until just a moment ago, no one could trip over their own feet. But I guess Naruto always finds a way to escape my expectations.

It was just a coincidence that the glass flew out of his hand. It was just a coincidence it flew straight to Shikamaru.

This brings us to the current situation. I can't hold in my laughter as I see the astonished, or perhaps horrified, look on Shikamaru's face. Naruto seems too stunned to do anything and Shikamaru looks at me while raising an eyebrow. 'It is not funny.'

'Oh, yes it is.' I answer him. My short fit of laughter has now subsided into a grin. 'Tche, troublesome.' Shikamaru crosses his arms as he turns his head away from me. He looks so handsome like this. The water dripping down his face makes his skin look so much better. And the hair ... Because of the water it came loose from the hair tie and strands are sticking to the side of his face. I wish he would always look like this.

'I'm sorry!' Naruto starts mumbling, disturbing my musings. I glare at him for a moment as Naruto fumbles with his fingers. Probably thinking of what to do right now. Then he looks at Shikamaru with an uneasy smile and says: 'I'll get you a towel.' He runs off and for a moment I wonder how Naruto knows where I put my towels. 'You were staring at me.' Shikamaru says the moment Naruto disappears through the door. I shoot him a sideward look before asking with a grin: 'And why would I be?'

I think that catches him off guard for a moment. He frowns slightly and I can't suppress a smirk from forming on my lips. I wonder what his answer will be. I hope it's one in my favour. One that will give away a slight sign that he likes me. When Shikamaru looks at me again I expect him to just say "troublesome" again like he usually does in situations like these. But instead he smirks and I can't help but think he looks the sexiest I've ever seen. I turn my gaze away from him, afraid he'll see the slight blush staining my cheeks.

'Do you, by any chance, like my looks, Neji Hyuuga?' He asks me on a sly tone. There are only two words to describe my feelings on the current situation. Stunned and overwhelmed. No way had Shikamaru Nara just said that! It is so out of character I don't know what to think of it. It's like a few weeks ago, back in the woods when he asked permission to sit with me. Sometimes he does things I don't understand. Just because he doesn't seem to be the kind of person to do such things. Shikamaru is never this straightforward when it comes to emotions of people. Normally they just don't interest him at all. At least that's what I thought until now. It seems he is just like Naruto in that aspect.

'You're blushing again.' He remarks as he sees my red cheeks. I want to say something, make a snappy comeback at him to prove I'm not just a blushing girl. But as I look up to him (through my bangs, I'm still blushing) I freeze. Shikamaru, with a dreamy (sort off) look on his face reaches out a hand and touches my hair for a moment. I'm shocked, besides other things that I'm not all going to name right now, and even gasp as he pulls back his hand.

'You're not too bad on the eye either.' He says with a smirk and I don't know how to react to that. He just told me I look good. If I were a girl I would squeal but, since I'm not a girl, I don't. I just stare at Shikamaru dumbly, my expression probably like that of a fish on the dry, and blink. Shikamaru is smirking and for a moment I can't help but wonder if I've just been played. But I don't get much time to think about that as Naruto storms back into the room with a bunch of towels in his hands. He dumps them all on Shikamaru's lap after apologizing again.

He then looks up to me and let me tell you, to convince Naruto you do NOT have a fever even though you're "burning up and as red as a tomato" is not an enjoyable thing to do. It took me, while Shikamaru wasn't of any help just sitting there smirking at the entire situation, an hour and a half in total to convince Naruto that no, "I am not sick" and no, "I don't need to see Tsunade to get myself a full body-check if I say I don't have a fever and am still burning up". As Shikamaru would say: Troublesome.

* * *

I'm pondering on what decision I should make. I'm lying on my couch, staring blankly at the ceiling while Shikamaru is watching the television. I look at his back for a second and turn my gaze back to the ceiling again. I sigh. I have two choices.  
1. I tell Shikamaru about how I feel.  
2. I don't.

Seems simple, right? Well, it used to be. But we weren't friends then. Now we are. Because we hang out with each other a lot nowadays. And I have a feeling I can't continue being "just" his friend any longer. Well, I can, but I want him to know how I feel.

When I tell him I've predicted there are three possible reactions:  
1. He loves me too and we live happily ever after.  
2. He doesn't love me and I ruin the friendship because he feels uneasy.  
3. He doesn't care. Probably because it's "too troublesome".

I realize that while thinking this my conscious has already decided to tell Shikamaru about my feelings. It scares me a bit I must say.

Suddenly my feet are pushed off the couch and I look up. 'Neji,' Shikamaru says as he sits down, thigh touching my knees. I blink, he looks somewhat worried. 'What is it?'

'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine.' I answer quickly, a bit too quickly perhaps. Because Shikamaru frowns, lays a hand on my knee (Oh my God! I can't believe he's actually putting his hand there...) and says: 'Are you sure? You've been absent-minded the entire day already. Yesterday too. Something is bothering you.'

I'm touched by the fact he is actually worried about me. But on the other side I hate it when Shikamaru is being attentive. He's always questioning me on things no-one has ever asked me before. My feelings. And I don't _want _to answer him but at the same time I do realize this would be the perfect timing to tell him about my feelings.

'Neji,' Shikamaru calls out my name and I must've been very deep in thoughts for him to get impatient. I sigh and turn my head away from him, burying my face in a pillow. 'You won't freak out if I tell you, right?' I ask him on a somewhat scared tone. If he would freak out it would break my heart more than if he just says he doesn't love me. 'No, I won't. That would mean I would have to shout and that would be troublesome.' He answers truthfully and I snort. I could have expected something like that from him.

'Shikamaru,' I whisper, afraid to talk out loud. Perhaps that is because I don't want him to hear what I'm about to say. I take a deep breath and with my face buried in a pillow I whisper: 'I love you.'

An almost sickening silence follows. His hand is still on my knee, which is a good thing I suppose. But besides that he doesn't say or do anything. I feel like throwing up. I totally severed every connection I had with him and ruined all possible changes just because I wanted to be selfish for once! How stupid could I have been? I should have known he would hate me in the end.

'I know.' Yes, of course he... wait, what? Shikamaru just said he knew I loved him. In shock I sit up and stare at him with wide eyes. 'Y-you knew?' I ask, my voice a bit unsteady which is probably because of the enormous emotional shock I'm experiencing at the moment. He nods, face almost expressionless. I feel a slight glimmer of hope as I look at him. He knew, but he didn't tell me. Well at least that means he doesn't hate me. 'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Rejection is a cruel thing.' He speaks softly and I feel my heart break into a million pieces. Those are all the words he needs to say, really. I'm not that dense to not know what he means. Slowly, as if in a trance, I lay back down and burry my face in the pillow again. 'I see.'

'Neji, we can be just friends.' He says softly. I know he's trying to comfort me, that he's trying not to see my broken heart. Because if he could he would see the tiny broken pieces break again. Asking me to be his friend. I had hoped this would be the outcome if he didn't love me. But now that it really has become the outcome it would've been better if he just hated me. Asking me to be his friend really hurts. And I think that for a guy as smart as Shikamaru Nara, he is really stupid.

* * *

The next few days I spend in somewhat of a shock. Everyone seems to notice something is wrong with me and I wish they would just turn a blind eye. But for some reason or another they don't. People keep harassing me, asking me what is wrong.

Naruto even went so far as to tackle me, tie me to a tree and threaten me with a lot of pain if I didn't right then and there tell him what was wrong. Sasuke thought that was going a bit too far and after kicking Naruto into a tree (that's going to be such a nice bruise), he untied me. That fucking twinkle in his eyes told me enough. He knew what was going on. That, together with that smirk on his face was enough to piss me off. With a voice as lethal as Gaara with a bucket filled with sand I told him it was "not funny" and kicked him so hard he ended up next to Naruto. He looked so stunned that he forgot to react. But I guess when he saw my expression he didn't want to anymore. Because I just know I looked like I was about to cry.

'Fu fant fome fooles?' I raise an eyebrow as I look at Naruto. 'What?' I ask him with a frown. Naruto slurps up some more of those Noodles he claims to love more than his boyfriend and grins at me. 'You want some noodles?'

'After seeing you eat that stuff? No thank you.' I say and pull up my nose as I cast a fast look at the now empty ramen bowl standing besides Naruto's elbow. It's not like I was hungry anyway. For the past few days I haven't had much of an appetite. 'But you have to eat at least something.' Naruto suddenly says and I look at him with a frown. 'Don't do that,' he says as he waves a hand towards my face, I think he's talking about me frowning. 'You know I'm right. You haven't eaten since yesterday morning.'

'How -'

'Yes, I know. After you rammed Sasuke into that tree two days ago I started to get worried. You're not the kind of person to get violent just because you're annoyed.' He explains and I can't believe what I'm hearing. Honestly, Naruto is worried about me? That's something new. And how on Earth did he know any way that I haven't eaten since yesterday morning? Now that I think about it there could only be one reason why he knows that. I glare at him, he "eep's" softly, and I ask: 'You were spying on me?'

'N-no... yes, well, Kakashi-sensei said to get whatever was bothering me out of my system.' He explains a bit awkwardly. I sigh, this is just too much. At first no-one cared about whom I was, what I did and how I felt. Can't I just go back to that time?

'Neji, something is bothering you and I want to know.'

'No.'

'All right, so you won't tell me.' Naruto sighs, folds his hands and nods at me with that Cheshire-cat grin on his face. 'But you'll have to eat.'

'No.'

'You will have to at some point or you'll starve.'

'No.'

'You want "Neji Hyuuga, a stubborn bastard that died from starvation" on your headstone?' He asks me and I have to fight the urge to laugh. 'Neji~i!' Naruto suddenly whines and I pale. Shit. So he gave up on the patient method and will now whine until he gets his way? I don't think so. 'Do you want "Neji Hyuuga, death by whining" on my headstone?'

'That would be cool.' Naruto says and thinks about it for a moment. But after a moment, he really has a short attention span, he turns back to me with those pleading puppy-dog eyes of his. 'Please! I'm even buying you a bowl! You have to eat something, Neji~i!'

'I've had it. I'm going home.' I stand up and am about to leave when suddenly something, or rather someone, grabs the ends of my hair. 'Naruto,' I growl at him but he doesn't seem to care about that. 'Just eat something.' He says his voice suddenly dead-serious as he pulls my hair. 'Agh,' with a soft cry I fall back against the couch we were sitting on just earlier friendly chatting.

'What are you two doing?' I turn my head away from Naruto so he won't see the pain in my eyes the moment I see Shikamaru. He probably notices the sudden change in my behaviour because he loosens his grip on my hair a bit. Don't cry, please don't cry. I'm mentally supporting myself. You're just friends. I remind myself and a sudden pain shoots through me. Good going. I cheer for myself. 'Naruto, what's wrong with Neji?' Shikamaru asks. Yes, I must be a very strange sight right now. Neji Hyuuga lying on a couch at Ichiraku's, face buried in the back of said couch and Naruto Uzumaki holding his hair in a tight grip.

'Neji over here,' Naruto starts to answer Shikamaru's question, poking me in the head to clarify the fact that I am indeed Neji. 'He is refusing to eat and from a special source which I won't name right now, I found out he hasn't eaten since yesterday morning.' I scowl as I push myself up. 'Uhm, Neji?' Naruto asks, holding up his hands in front of his chest as in defence. 'Special source my ass!' I kick him in his thigh and he lets out a yelp.

'I never knew you traded Sasuke for Neji, Naruto.' Shikamaru looks at us with an amused smile. Immediately Naruto scrambles away from me. 'Na-ah, no way.' He shakes his head and for a moment I frown. It's _that _repulsive to be with me? Tche, he's going to get it now. I smirk as I turn to Naruto. 'I'm not Emo enough for you?'

'Hey! Sasuke's not an Emo.'

'Sure, he's not. He's just sulking and wearing that stupid blue for fun.' I say him and when he, almost violently, shakes his head I snort. 'Shikamaru?' Naruto turns to Shikamaru with a pleading look. I look at Shikamaru from the corner of my eyes. Shikamaru just raises his shoulders and with a nod towards me says: 'I agree with Neji.'

'Eh, b-but Shikamaru!'

'Although,' Shikamaru turns towards me with a smirk on his face, 'you can be quit the Emo yourself.'

'Never said I wasn't.' After you rejected me it just got a bit worse. I add as an afterthought. I turn my head away and look at the table, finding it very interesting at the moment. I can feel Shikamaru's gaze on me and I wonder what he is thinking right now. Is he disgusted with me because I love him? Did he say we could stay friends out of compassion? He's still looking at me. The thought flies through my head and suddenly I feel very uncomfortable. He rejected me, so unless he suddenly decided he's in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me he doesn't have any reason to stare at me like that. At that thought I feel a blush forming on my cheeks and can't help but wonder when I became such a girl.

'You're blushing again. That's not that much of an Emo-thing.' Shikamaru says and I look up only to glare at him. Why does this guy always have to point out that I'm blushing? Seriously, that's just creepy. 'I was defending your honour, you know.'

'Right, as if.'

'Sasuke is not an Emo!'

'Tche, troublesome.'

* * *

I am tired, I seriously am in need of some sleep. For the past few days I haven't been able to catch more than just three hours of sleep per night. I know why I am not able to sleep either. One word, or rather person. Shikamaru. Had you expected anything else?

For the past few days, nights, he has been haunting my mind. Ever since the "incident" at Ichiraku things have been awkward. For me that is. Shikamaru doesn't seem to notice any difference at all. I'm probably wrong there and in reality he just doesn't care. Because his behaviour towards me has changed in such lengths that even Naruto noticed it.

Naruto told me, quite clearly and I quote: "I think Shikamaru is flirting with you." When he told me I wanted to laugh until I was rolling over the ground or cry until there were no tears left. And the only thing I could think at that moment was: Shikamaru you bastard!

That is also why I am now glaring at everything and everyone walking past us (Naruto, Sasuke and myself). Naruto is lying on the ground staring up at the sky and I think the only reason why he is so calm right now is because of Sasuke. Sasuke is sitting on Naruto's left, I am on his right, his hand resting on top of Naruto's blonde hair.

'Neji, what's with you and Shikamaru?' Naruto suddenly asks and I turn to look at him. 'Nothing,' I mumble softly and turn around to lie on my side. My back is now turned to him so that he, nor Sasuke, can see me closing my eyes and the slight hints of pain appearing on my face. It's unfair. He rejected me and now everybody says something is going on between us! He said we would be just friends. Then why the fuck aren't we? I now regret ever telling him about my feelings. I want to go back to how it was before. But unfortunately, there is not one jutsu that can turn back time so I'm stuck in this situation that is breaking my heart over and over.

'Neji are you crying?' Naruto asks and a bit shocked I move a hand to my cheek. It's wet. How stupid, I hadn't realized I was crying. 'No,' I mumble again and shake my head. I can say I'm trying to confirm to Naruto I'm not crying, but if I'm honest it's more for myself.

This is all because of Shikamaru. He makes me feel so weak and useless. I can't do anything right anymore. My focus is totally gone because I'm always thinking of him. When I confessed to him I hadn't expected the feeling to get worse. I hadn't expected to feel so useless after being rejected. Perhaps if we just stayed friends it would have been fine. But he is acting like everything but a friend.

He shouldn't be looking at me as though he's actually interested in me, he shouldn't be saying things about me blushing because damnit he knows why I am! He should just act as a friend. A person that plays games with you. Board games like Go and Shogi that is. Not someone who is making fun of you, because that's what it is to me. He's making fun of me and my feelings, even though I know he would never do that. But I have little faith left in Shikamaru at the moment and I realize that no matter how cruel I've been in the past, no matter how much I changed since then, the joke's on me this time.

'Neji,' Naruto lays a hand on my shoulder. I'm sobbing now and I'm sure even Sasuke is worried. 'Just let him be for a moment, Dobe.' Sasuke says. And even though Dobe used to be an insult it sounds very loving right now. And from the corner of my eye I can see Naruto, looking sad, holding Sasuke's hand and leaning his head against his. I can't stand it. It hurts so much just to see them happy while I am in complete torment on my feelings.

'Stupid. I'm so weak. Why am I even crying?' I angrily rub the tears out of my eyes and snort. This is nothing like me at all! Get your act together Neji. For God's sake, this isn't the end of the world!

'If you want to talk about things...' Naruto says but as he sees my scowling look, he immediately falls silent. 'I don't.' I say and Naruto looks a bit crestfallen at my curt reply. But I just can't stand it anymore. I just want to be left alone to think things through. 'Thank you.' I whisper and after that just walk away. A crestfallen look doesn't suit Naruto. Naruto should be everything I'm not right now. Happy and smiling.

* * *

After just two days things subsided a bit. Shikamaru lessened his contact towards me and my mental health became a bit more stable. I think Naruto had a good talk with Shikamaru after my reaction.

But today Shikamaru and myself are hanging out at my place. It has been raining all day. Around two o'clock Shikamaru, completely drenched, appeared on my doorstep asking if he could perhaps stay with me. Apparently his mother was having a bad day today so he fled. Naruto wasn't at home, I'm sure I know where he is, and Sasuke didn't answer his door, geez I wonder why? For as far as the others went he didn't check he just came to my place and I'm actually a bit happy he would rather spend time with me than with his old friend Chouji.

But, seeing to the fact that I'm still tired, we moved to my bedroom. The game of shougi we were playing earlier has been put on hold because I totally lost my concentration. We decided we would just start another game. So I'm currently lying on my bed, waiting for Shikamaru to finish putting the pieces back onto the board for another game.

'Neji.' Shikamaru stands up as he says my name, although it is more a whisper than anything else. I hear the rustling of his clothes as he walks towards me and that slight tingling feeling in my stomach returns tenfold. It's strange though. First we weren't friends, we just merely knew each other. And now after I've professed love to him he wants to hang out. I don't understand how the mind of Shikamaru Nara works. But then again, no-one will probably ever know.

I'm still lying on the bed. Arms stretched besides my body and eyes closed. I notice that the ruffling of clothes has stopped and I frown. 'Hm, what is it, Nara?'

For a few moments the room is silent. I frown slightly at that. 'Shikamaru?' I ask and am about to sit up, open my eyes and ask what is wrong. But a hand softly pushes me back down and I can't stop an irritated 'Hey!' from escaping my lips. Shikamaru snickers softly before saying. 'Keep your eyes closed.'

I do as he says, letting out a drawn-out sigh as I try to calm my raging body. It's strange, really. That only one touch on the shoulder and one soft word can make my body react like this.

But my entire body tenses up as I feel soft lips touch mine. A soft murmur of my name follows and I freeze. For a moment I am too stunned to react. I lay on the bed and I'm sure I seem like a fool, hands gripping the sheets, face flushed from embarrassment and excitement at the same time and my mouth slightly opened. But after a few seconds I realize what just happened. I sit up, a bit too fast perhaps because I am overwhelmed by a sudden dizziness, and look around the room.

Shikamaru is gone.

I sit on my bed with a hand pressed against my lips. Kiss-and-flee. It was such a thing for Shikamaru to do. I sigh as I let myself fall down. I am quite confused at the moment. Not because of what happened, that much is obvious. Shikamaru, the guy I love, (and I actually told him about my love), rejected me (well, not outright "no, I hate you" but it was a rejection nonetheless) and now when we are finally friends and I can hang out with him without seeming desperate, (which I am) kissed me.

No, I remember very clearly what happened. What I do want to know is why a guy rejects you, asks you to be friends with him (as if getting rejected didn't hurt enough) and thereafter acts as if he is wooing you only to finish it off with a kiss. I let out a laugh that comes out a bit hoarse and bitter. Life is finally looking up for me, if only a bit. I wonder when the punch-line of this joke will come out.

And with that last thought I decide that I will let Shikamaru do the work. I started it by pouring my heart out, now he can do the chasing. Although I don't think anything will come of this. I've already been rejected by him once. I don't need to be rejected twice only because I misunderstood something that Shikamaru only sees as friendship, for love. 'Don't get your hopes up.' I whisper softly to myself and sigh: this is going to one hell of a week.

* * *

Today is Friday, Friday evening to be exact. Friday evening, Naruto and Kiba decided, would be the evening for male-bonding. They invited all of the guys from the Rookie Nine. Not everyone came of course. I didn't want to come either. It was just too bad Hinata didn't know that. I will have to tell her tomorrow that when Naruto asks if she's seen me, she has not. So here I am, supposedly having fun with a few guys shoved in a room together with a few bottles of alcohol. Gods how I hate today.

'You're gloomy, Neji.' Naruto suddenly says and I glare at him. Asshole. First you drag me here and now you wonder why I'm gloomy?

'Something wrong, eh, Princess?' I swear if I ever get the chance of beating the crap out of Sasuke Uchiha, I will! That bastard is going down one day.

'Why has my Eternal Rival lost his Beautiful and Youthful appearance!?' Oh My God, how do I stand this guy! Could he be any louder about this?

'Heh, Neji youthful? What planet did you come from Lee?' Kiba comments and I glare at him. You're going down together with the Uchiha, Dog-boy. Beware!

'Hm, I wonder what happened. Neji, tell us.' I turn my glare from Kiba to Chouji and can't help but think that when he stops eating he's actually quite observant. How annoying.

'Shikamaru, are you blushing?' Hehe, that's right. Thank you Naruto for actually being observant once in a while! Turn all of your attention on Shikamaru. Everyone is better than on me. Wait, blushing? Crap, I hope he isn't going to tell them…

I look at Shikamaru through my bangs and I see him squirm under the looks he is receiving from everyone. He shoots me one look, and while our eye contact only lasts for a mere second, unfortunately Sasuke picks up on it. 'Something happened between the two of you.' He smirks as he leans back against the couch. I look at him with a glare. Please, shut up. I don't want to talk about it, why can't he understand!

'Something happened? What?' Naruto has apparently lost his moment of brightness as he now looks from Shikamaru to me with that usual dumb expression of his.

'Did you two have sex?' Seriously, I sometimes wonder if that's the only thing Kiba ever thinks about.

'Neji, my Youthul Friend, that is Wonderfull!' All right, at least Gai-sensei isn't here to make that sound in stereo.

'Cool. So you're dating?' Naruto asks with a smile. An honest one. But I just shake my head and look down. I'm fumbling with my fingers refusing to look up. 'We're not.' Shikamaru says. And for once his voice doesn't sound as lazy as it normally does. It's the kind of tone that won't tolerate a response. But Naruto being Naruto, gives me with a questioning look. 'Neji?'

'Shut up Naruto.' I scowl but Naruto takes no notice of that. 'Ah, come one Neji.' He pleads and all the others, except for Shikamaru, who is trying to be as silent as possible I think, agree with soft murmurs. 'No.' I say and without another word, I stand up and walk towards the door. 'I'm leaving.'

'Neji, come on. We won't talk about it anymore.' Naruto says as he stands up. He intents to walk towards me but Shikamaru stops him with a hand on his shoulder. Shikamaru looks at me and on that boring tone of his says: 'It was just a misunderstanding. We're not dating, they know that now.' Sadly enough he probably doesn't understand how much those words hurt me. _We're not dating._ It is as if life is punishing me and reminding me of it over and over again. To make things worse, I haven't got a single clue as to where I stand when it comes to Shikamaru. I want to ask him what the hell he meant with that kiss, but I don't dare to, I'm afraid of his answer.

'You say we're not dating. You're right, we aren't.' I state and anger and disappointment are taking over my tone and speech. I just want to leave so I can go home, curl up on my bed and be alone. I look towards Shikamaru with a grim expression. 'So why not give up the joke and stop fucking with my mind? If you're not serious about things at least pretend to be a friend!'

'I _am_ your friend.' He says on a tone that's so calm I feel like I'm screaming. For God's sake, I might even be. 'No, you're definitely not! Friends don't kiss other friends of whom they know are in love with you.' Shikamaru looks stunned, all the others surprised and I turn around and stalk away. I didn't mean to say that, it just came out. I grab my coat on my way out and when I reach the end of the front yard I hear Shikamaru call out to me: 'Neji, please.' But I don't look back. I just keep on walking, hoping that he won't follow me all the way home.

Luckily, Shikamaru didn't follow me home. So when I open the door to my apartment I slam it close, throw my coat somewhere in a corner and drop myself down onto the couch. It is then that I hear someone knocking on my front door. I sigh. I don't want to deal with people right now. I want to be left alone. And there's a big chance it's Shikamaru. One person I seriously don't want to see right now.

'Neji, the lights are on. I know you're there.' So it is Naruto? I'm surprised actually. I had thought that perhaps Lee would've come. Not Naruto. 'Go away!' I yell and Naruto snickers. 'You're acting childish.' He says and I groan. I want them to just get the hint already and leave me alone! That's, usually, the case when people storm out of a room! 'And stupid. I'm a ninja. You really think one door will stop me if I really want to go inside? Come one, save yourself a door and just open the damn thing.'

'Bastard.' I mutter as I walk towards the door. He's right, though, and probably enjoying that fact. But when I open the door I am met with a very serious Naruto. I raise an eyebrow. 'What do you want?'

'Isn't that obvious?'

'No, let's pretend it's not. What do you want?' I ask again and Naruto huffs. 'Shikamaru was upset when you left.' He states and before he probably realizes what is going on I slam the door close. It takes a few seconds, I can count it off on my fingers, but then the whining begins. 'Neji! I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I'm so~ory! I just want to talk.' He says and with a growl I yell: 'I don't.'

Naruto is a good person. The only bad habit of him right now is that he always wants to fix things. Always wants to make things right. I just want to be left alone damnit!

'Fine!' I suddenly hear Naruto yell and after that I hear retreating footsteps. I blink and stare at my front door with a somewhat dumb expression on my face. He left? Naruto Uzumaki whined for a minute and then left? Thank the gods for miracles. I silently walk back into my living room and lay down on my couch.

'Shikamaru,' I sigh. Why did he kiss me? I know I yelled at him it was a joke, but Shikamaru isn't like that. He doesn't joke about things like this. But then what else could it be? He has already rejected me. _We're not dating._ It hurt when he said that. I know we weren't dating, but to hear the words out right. He just as well could've said:"_I don't love you"_. Which actually hurts just as much.

With thoughts of Shikamaru haunting my mind I try to fall asleep, if only for a few moments. I am tired beyond belief. Emotional stress seriously is the worst.

* * *

'Ngh,' something is poking me in my side. Very annoying! I _was_ asleep just a few moments ago. But that annoying thing, poking me, woke me up. 'He's awake.'

Wait, I recognize that voice… and immediately I'm wide awake. Without a moment of thinking I sit up and yell: 'Naruto! What the fuck are you doing here?'

'Wha, Neji!' Naruto yells as he takes a small step backwards, stumbles over his own feet and trips over my coffee table. I stare at the entire ordeal with widened eyes and am thinking that I must've been pretty tired to sleep through Naruto sneaking into my house.

'Watch where you're going, Dobe. Hyuuga won't appreciate it if you break his coffee table.' I sigh as I hear another person speaking. I should've known. Those two are bound by the hip. I look over my shoulder to the hallway entrance and see Sasuke standing there, hands shoved in his pockets. As soon as he sees me looking at him, he smirks. I look at him, then back at Naruto and scowl. 'Out! Both of you, out!' I shout as I stalk towards Naruto. 'Neji, we just want to help!' Naruto yells in a desperate attempt to make me calm down. 'I don't need your help.'

'No, you are doing perfectly fine on your own.' Sasuke replies on that sarcastic tone of his. But I have to admit that he is right. I am not doing so great right now. 'That's not my fault.' I mutter darkly and look down. Only thinking of Shikamaru makes me lose my temper. This is really getting serious. 'Maybe if you talk about it, we can think of something to make you feel less miserable.' Naruto smiles and I nod. His words really make me feel a bit better. If only a bit. I make a gesture towards the couch with my arm and they both take the liberty to sit down.

'I'm going to make tea.' I say, walking towards the kitchen. But making tea never takes a long time. With a heavy feeling in my stomach I walk towards the living room again. When I walk in I gasp, almost dropping the boiling water on the ground. Because on my couch are Naruto and Sasuke, kissing. They're quite into it too because they don't seem to notice me. Naruto moans softly as Sasuke teases his earlobe with a finger. For a moment I stand frozen. They are sitting in my house, on my couch doing things that I wanted to do with Shikamaru. It's a cruel eye-opener to what I will probably never have and I want to cry.

Almost mechanically I walk towards the table, drop the tray with tea so hard onto the table the water splashes onto it. Immediately Naruto and Sasuke jump apart. I spare them one look, they're looking very regretful, and slowly make my way towards my room.

'Neji!' I'm suddenly hugged from behind and feel a face press itself into my shoulder. 'We're really sorry.' Naruto's voice is muffled by the fabric of my shirt. I look down to my feet and whisper: 'Kissing on my couch is not really making me feel better.'

'Get yourself together.' Sasuke says from my right. He has moved to stand next to Naruto and I look at him. 'If this wasn't me and Shikamaru, but you and Naruto how would you feel?' I ask him. His eyes widen and he looks away from me after a moment, ashamed. 'I -' He starts but falters. Sasuke Uchiha is not a person to show a lot of emotions. He is the way I used to be. Because falling in love with Shikamaru changed me a lot.

Naruto suddenly lifts his head from my shoulder and guides me back to the couch. I sit down and watch as Sasuke starts pouring us tea. I gratefully accept the cup and lean against the back of the couch with a sigh. Naruto lays a hand on my shoulder but I shrug it off. I'm not that much of a touchy-feely kind of person. And there is only one person I want to hold right now, but he seems further away than everything else.

'What happened?' Naruto asks and I look at him. 'Life.' I mutter silently. Because that's how it will always be. One bad thing after another. 'Neji,'

'I fell in love.' I whisper softly. I don't want to do this, I'm not the talkative kind of person! Keeping your feelings bottled up is a good thing. But I only try to tell myself that. Applied to my life, it doesn't really work. I bottled up my feelings once and almost killed my cousin with it. But damn, talking about it is so hard!

But it seems that Sasuke is catching up on my inner-fight as he asks: 'How long ago?'

'Two years ago.' Naruto gasps at that. 'And you have kept it to yourself for so long?'

'Rejection is a cruel thing Naruto.'

'You were afraid.' Sasuke states and a bit ashamed I nod. 'There's no need to be.' Naruto smiles at me, calming me down a bit. I want to smile back at him but it comes out more like a grimace. 'But you told him last week, right?' Sasuke again. 'Yes,' I admit and realize that the hard part is coming now. 'He said that he knew, but didn't love me. That he wanted to be friends.'

'So you became friends?' Naruto asks and I nod. 'He came over yesterday. We had a lot of fun and I actually believed we could be… just friends.' I said. I take a sip of my tea and take a deep breath. 'Something bad happened.' Sasuke turns to look at my face. I think, from the look in his eyes, he regrets that. Because I must look like a lost animal. Sad and forlorn.

'He kissed me. Then he left. He hasn't spoken to me since. Well, and what he said last night. I don't understand it at all.'

'Maybe he has realized he likes you?' Naruto questions, sounding hopeful. I frown. I wish I could be hopeful too, but tonight it just isn't working for me. 'Then why doesn't he say so! He already knows I love him.'

'Maybe he's afraid of his feelings. I would understand.' Sasuke says and immediately Naruto reacts on that. 'I'm sure you would.' He says, followed by a snort. And if I wasn't in such a depressed mood I'm sure I would've cracked a smile. But instead I just gaze into my empty teacup again. 'Maybe he should consider how _I _feel about this!' I mutter and silence follows after that. Because, after all, that is not a thing Naruto and Sasuke can help me with. But to my own relief Naruto did speak some truth. I feel a bit better now which is good, if only for a little while.

* * *

All right, so I am one of the few persons who has never taken Naruto _and_ Sasuke for dinner at the same time. So before all of this happened, I must say I was completely unprepared. The next time I'm going to Ichiraku together with those two I will be taking an umbrella with me. But seriously! Isn't throwing ramen bowls at each other going a bit further than "relationship issues"!? It sounds more like "anger management" to me.

Also, a mad Hokage yelling about "destroyed restaurant property" is very, very scary. We are now an hour further and I think I have been heavily traumatized within the time span of just three hours. I smile slightly as I think of how good a friend Naruto became.

'That's different.' I turn my head a bit to see who's speaking to me. Shikamaru. Of course, I hadn't expected anyone else actually. Lately it seems that wherever I go, Shikamaru mysteriously appears too. It gets me on my nerves. Makes me wonder what he wants from me now that we (well, I actually) settled that we aren't friends nor lovers. Sometimes I get the strong urge to just grab his shoulders, shake him until he thinks he's seeing stars and demand from him what kind of cruel joke he is playing on me. But as the "How to be a good and proper Hyuuga Handbook" rule #287 says: "Don't let a Nara, in all of their un-knowingness of us Hyuuga, put you out. Stay stoic."

'You're not smiling anymore.' Shikamaru says as he sits down next to me. That bastard! Where does he think he got the right to do that? Does he really think that after all of this I am still willing to be his friend? 'Now why do you think that is?' I sneer at him and without looking at me he sighs. 'You've become much more troublesome.'

'Then why hang out with me?' I ask him on a bitter tone. If all he can do is complain about me, then why does he hang out with me at all?

'I think I might like you.'

What? What! I'm sure shock is written on my face because that is how I feel. What kind of joke is this? "I think I might like you." I turn to Shikamaru with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. He looks uncomfortable.

'You think you might like me?' I ask him again, just to make sure I heard him right. He nods and I feel a sudden burst of anger well up inside of me. How dare he?! Playing this kind of game with me is taking things too far. 'Neji I -'

But the moment he starts to speak I loose all reasonable thoughts. I get so angry I have the feeling I can hit him and, even to my own surprise, I do. My body doesn't listen to my brain anymore as I pull out and punch him in the jaw.

Shikamaru makes a pained sound as he carefully touches his jaw. He glares at me and on the angriest tone I've ever heard Shikamaru use exclaims: 'What the fuck.'

'Serves you right, you bastard. You truly are too cruel for words.' I hiss at him. And without wasting any more words on him, I turn around and stalk away.

It is now two days later and I'm afraid that someone must start to notice soon that I haven't left my house those two days. I actually dread the moment someone will knock on my door and demand entry. I don't want to talk. I want to be left alone and drown myself in self-pity until I feel at least a little bit better. Then I will go out again and do everything I can to forget Shikamaru ever existed.

But, before ignoring Shikamaru, I will start my self-pity phase. I'm not so much like a girl to get a sudden craving for chocolate, but chocolate helps. Not those milk tasting things, no, the ones with 58% cacao that you melt on your tongue.

I slowly make my way to the kitchen to make some tea. As I wait for the water to boil the seriousness of the current situation dawns upon me. I sigh heavily and grip the counter. Things are really messed up right now. And I thought that after getting rejected things couldn't get worse. I'll never admit it out loud, but I couldn't have been more wrong about things.

I'm startled as suddenly the water-boiler signals that the water is done. I make a cup of tea, grab a chocolate bar from one of the cabinets and make my way to the living room. I sit down and take a sip of my tea. I immediately regret my decision as the tea is so hot I feel as if I just ate a fireball.

I can't believe I did that, such a stupid thing. This only shows where my mind has been the past two days. In the gutter.

And if I hadn't been through anything for my entire life I would perhaps have a little faith left. But after everything I've been through, no matter how hard I work to get things right they always end up like this. Things just never work out for me. I really hate my life!

* * *

'You two are ignoring each other.' Naruto suddenly says. Sheesh, how observant of him. I scowl as I look at him. 'No,' Shikamaru suddenly speaks up and I glare at him. 'Neji is ignoring me. It's not the other way around.'

I sigh and am debating with myself if I should leave or not. I didn't even want to go to this get-together in the first place. But Naruto came to my house a while ago and literally dragged me here. I think I've never been more embarrassed in my entire life. Kiba started laughing when Naruto and I entered the café like that. But I only had to glare at him once to make him shut up. I think I have made quite the impression on him.

'Oi, Neji?' Naruto suddenly shouts as he waves a hand in front of my face. A bit startled I look up at him. Was I that deep in thoughts again? This is becoming a nasty habit. 'Are you really ignoring Shikamaru?' Naruto asks me and there is an uncomfortable, almost eerie silence after that. And I decide that, no matter how childish it might seem, I'll just pretend to myself Shikamaru doesn't exist. 'Ignoring who?'

Naruto looks at me as if I've just grown two heads before saying: 'You're being ridiculous.' Then he grabs my wrist and drags me out of the café. I roll my eyes but obediently follow him. I'm not in the mood to argue with a Naruto that is determined do something.

He drags me all the way to the park and once he finds and empty bench he pushes me down onto it and warns me with a glare that if I leave I can expect a lot of pain and torture. 'What the fuck, Neji! You really have a stick up your ass, don't you? I had to go through all your self-pity and drama-queen phases to hear you say: "Ingorning who?"!' He yells at me on a very angry not-Naruto voice. I cringe a bit at the loudness of his voice. He never considers the fact others may be around. I look around a bit wary of who might be listening in on this "conversation". My suspicions are proven right as several people are now watching Naruto and me as Naruto keeps yelling. 'You can be so freaking ignorant sometimes! Bastard, I thought me and Sasuke were getting through to you not to be a bastard all the time!'

'Naruto shut up. People are watching.' I hiss at him through clenched teeth. To be getting lectured by the loud-mouthed-joker of the village is worse enough. People shouldn't be around to watch it too. 'Neji,' Naruto sighs as he sits down next to me. At least he lowered his voice a bit now. 'You don't make any sense sometimes.'

'Shut up, I don't want to hear that from you too.' I say and look at him with an almost desperate look in my eyes. 'I've been joked around enough.'

'What are you talking about?' He asks me with a raised eyebrow and I sigh. 'I think that Shikamaru joking around with my feelings is more than enough. I don't need you to yell at me too.'

'Shikamaru wouldn't do that.' He says as he shakes his head. 'I thought that too. But there's no other way to describe the way he has been acting towards me.' I turn away from him and, my voice almost a whisper, say: 'As if getting rejected wasn't bad enough.'

'You're being paranoid Neji. There has to be something else.'

'Whatever.' I stand up and with a grim smile towards Naruto say: 'Get back to your boyfriend. I'm going to train.' I turn around and am about to walk away when he yells after me. 'You can't train alone, Neji!'

'Destroy some trees then. I have a serious urge to hit something.' I say and walk away. Naruto doesn't say a thing and I'm grateful for that. I think, after all the things he had to go through with Sasuke, he understands a bit how I feel.

* * *

I guess it is now about an hour later. I'm standing in the middle of the clearing in the quiet place of the woods that I found a few weeks ago. I had been looking for some peace and quiet and found this beautiful place where I can train and just be alone. I'm panting, resting my hands on my knees, feeling a bit exhausted. But nothing else would be expected after I just completely demolished a few trees.

I don't have an anger-issue but sometimes it's just nice to let off some steam. Something I needed to do very badly after the last couple of weeks. I sigh and straighten my back. My muscles are aching and I wonder if I've actually worn out my body. My thoughts are proven inaccurate and I grimace as I can't lift my arm anymore. Damn, I think I overdid it. But as I try to move my leg I am shocked it doesn't move. And if I had been able to move at all I'm sure I would have frozen onto the spot I am standing right now. This can only mean one thing!

Shikamaru appears from behind a tree with a smug expression on his face. The thought that getting rejected absolutely kills your intuition passes through my head, but I don't have much time to wonder on that as he takes a step forward. It feels strange that my body is moving against my will.

'Heh, I've got you.' He says with a smirk on his lips. He takes a few steps towards me and my body can't help but obey to what he is doing. Soon enough we are standing closer to each other than I want right now. I think he guessed right that I would run away if not bound. Either to a tree or to him with his Shadow Possession Jutsu. 'What the fuck, Nara! Release me at once!' I yell at him but he just stares at me and shakes his head. Why must he go on with this? Can't someone understand I just want to be left alone! 'You bastard, why are you doing this?'

'I heard you talking with Naruto.' He states on a calm voice that annoys me to no end. How can he act so calm and collected while I am freaking out! Well, not literally freaking out of course but just trying to maintain the stoic expression on my face that I probably already lost.

'Good for you.' I answer his question and decide that trying to stay stoic is too much of an effort. Instead I scowl and continue: 'You didn't understand from that conversation I wanted to be left alone?'

'I understood something from that conversation I wanted to talk about with you.' He tells me with a grim yet determined expression on his face. I wonder why he is looking at me like that. Seriously if there is anyone who would look like that it would be me. 'And what is that?' I look at him through my bangs as I sneer. 'You don't want me to destroy trees? Well it's a little too late for that.'

'I'm sorry.' He suddenly states on a very soft voice. He casts his eyes to the ground and I can't believe what I'm seeing. Since when doesn't he look me in the eye anymore? I'm sure surprise is written all over my face as I ask: 'Sorry about what?' I wonder what is going on. Is he now apologizing for joking around with me? That would be a little too late to save our friendship.

When Shikamaru doesn't look up or speak to me after a minute or so I decide that I will do that for him. With a glare that now seems permanent on my face I say: 'Sorry about breaking my heart and ruining our friendship? Or do you mean to say you are sorry for toying and playing with me and my feelings the way you did just for a bit of fun?'

He looks up now. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen Shikamaru respond as fast as he just did. 'You think I'm making fun of you? Tche, immediately thinking the worst things like a girl. So Troublesome.' He says and I'm really loosing my cool. Calling me troublesome while apologizing isn't a think I would call a proper way of saying sorry. 'I already know you think it's a bother to hang out with me. Why not tell me something I don't know yet?'

'I love you.'

'You already tried that once, asshole! Now let me go. I'm not here to hear this shit from you!' I yell as tears threaten to fall from my eyes. I've had enough. I'm tired of fighting and decide that this is my breaking point. I just don't give a damn anymore as long as I can get some piece of mind. 'I wasn't joking with you.' Shikamaru says and I look at him. I don't care. I remind myself of that.

'I was completely honest when I rejected you though.' He says and I have to hold back a sob and remind myself that: I don't care. 'But I started to wonder what it would be like to actually love you. That's one thing I couldn't figure out on my own so I kissed you. I didn't expect to actually fall in love.' He ends in an embarrassed whisper and I'm sure my heart just skipped a beat. From completely emotionless I chance to almost completely ecstatic. 'You -' But my voice falters as I look straight into his eyes. This can't be true. It's too good to be true. Neji Hyuuga is never this lucky!

'It is true, Neji. Just believe that for once you are the one with luck on your side.' He says with a smile, which is very rare seeing as this is Shikamaru. 'When I say I love you I'm not joking.' I close my eyes and smile. 'Me too.' He smirks at me and on a very impish tone says: 'Good, now that we've got that settled we can move on to other things.'

All of a sudden he is kissing me and my eyes open in surprise. The only thought running through my head over and over again is: "Oh my God, Oh my God, He is kissing me!" After only a moment of surprise I start to kiss him back. My hands grab his arms out of reflex as I don't really know what I'm doing.

And suddenly I feel his tongue licking my lips and decide right then and there that is the most sensual thing I've ever felt. No, scratch that. His teeth gently nibbling on my lips, asking for entrance is the most sensual thing I've ever felt. I think it is justified to say that overall Shikamaru is the sexiest person I've ever encountered.

Suddenly, without me doing anything but cling at his arms in utter disbelief of how lucky I am, I am pushed against a tree. I let out a soft moan as one of his fingers traces over a very sensitive spot my neck and I can hear him chuckle softly in the kiss. But after a few more moments of enjoying this immense pleasure, (and remember we are only kissing!) I turn away from him. 'Shikamaru,' my voice sounds raw, even to my own ears, as I softly protest as he starts nibbling on my neck which I just exposed to him. 'We're in the forest.'

'I don't care.' He answers on a hushed tone which makes him sound so unbelievably sexy. He slowly licks his way up to my ear and whispers: 'I'm not planning on letting you go now that I have you.' And I shudder as his breath tickles my ear. I let out a soft whimper, I know that's not very Hyuuga-like, as he licks the lobe of my right ear. I would never have guessed it would be such a sensitive place.

He lets his fingers trail down my sides as he starts placing butterfly kisses on my jaw. I turn my head to the side and kiss him, closing my eyes as I wind my arms around his neck. Holding him like this would have been enough. But his hands gripping my hips and his mouth moving against mine isn't a thing that makes me complain about the current situation.

'S-Shika!' I call out his name as he pulls his mouth away from mine. He looks at me with a smirk. 'Shika?' He asks me and trails a finger down my chest teasingly. I blush at the way he is looking at me. Like I'm some kind of favourite food just waiting to be devoured.

All at once he pulls our bodies closer so that our chests are touching. 'That blush really suits you, Neji.' He says with a smirk. 'Wha -' I start to protest but he doesn't give me any chance to finish. He kisses me again and within just a matter of seconds I am kissing him back just as passionately.

I just want to cry from happiness right now. I feel as if I'm floating on air and it's such a great feeling. I want to keep feeling like this forever. It doesn't even matter anymore that he rejected me first and put me through Hell after that before realizing he liked me too. Right now the only thing that matters are his arms around my waist and his mouth on mine. Right now it is only Shikamaru Nara who is kissing the happiest Hyuuga ever. Me, Neji mister stick-up-his-ass.

'Sasuke, oi Sasuke-Teme, look at that!' I roughly pull my mouth away from Shikamaru's and look towards the clearing in utter horror. No way. No fucking way! But it's true. Naruto is standing there with a ten-million watt smile on his face that could rival Lee's and next to him stands a smirking Sasuke. 'Naruto!' I yell at him in complete anger. Finally Shikamaru was kissing me the way I had dreamed of for such a long time and now he dares to disturb that with that loud mouth of his? I lunge at him and he looks shocked before running away screaming for Sasuke. 'Come back here, Naruto! I'm going to kill you!' I yell and am quite embarrassed as I hear both Shikamaru and Sasuke snicker at my actions. But I don't care. Sasuke and Kiba are lucky, they are off my to-kill list for a while. Because right now the person who is going to die a painful death by my hands is the laughing blonde who is running just a few yards in front of me. And right after that, I will take Shikamaru home to my apartment and finish what we started.

**The end**

**Author's note:  
**I hope you really enjoyed it. Please leave a review with your thoughts on the fic. It would be appreciated.  
Also, the sequel is already in the making…


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